A picture of Jim from November 2006

Dear friends and family,

A few months ago, Jim asked me to post the final blog entry when the time came, so I’m honoring his request. Jim lost his courageous, nearly 2-year long battle with esophageal cancer on Tuesday, February 10 at about 5:00 in the afternoon. We’d recently returned from a wonderful 10-day Caribbean cruise with his parents, and they had generously turned over their Delray Beach, FL, condo to us for the rest of the winter. We’d realized he was declining more quickly in the last couple of months, but he still talked with optimism about the things we’d see and do while we’re down here and what he had planned once we headed for home around the first of April. Sadly, though, his strength and vitality decreased rapidly, and for the last 3 weeks he’d had to depend on assistive devices to move about the condo.

On Tuesday of last week, Jim’s daughter, Elizabeth, flew here from California to spend 3 days with us. She’s due with our second grandchild at the end of the month, so we were anxious about the trip, but she made it without incident, and they had some valuable time together. On the day Elizabeth flew home, Jim woke up feeling weaker and even more depleted, so we had to contact 911 to transport him to the Delray Hospice House. They stabilized him and checked his esophagus – the esophagus was clear where he’d had the stents emplaced and he seemed to be eating better, but the cancer was running its course, and he was growing more and more weak and incapacitated. Nonetheless, he convinced them to send him back to the condo on Monday evening, and Hospice set him up with a hospital bed. From that point on, his condition deteriorated so quickly that even the Hospice caregivers were astonished. He slept through the night Monday, and by mid-morning Tuesday he’d slipped into a coma. I held him until he drew his last breath, so he was never alone. I believe the dying time their departures carefully – he’d spent quality time with his dear parents; he’d had a good visit with his daughter; and on Sunday he’d called and had loving conversations with his closest family and friends.

Jim was so grateful for all of you and your prayers, loving thoughts, and expressions of concern. He was with us for so long because of his huge heart and his incredible will to live. Ashley is here with me to help with all the details and to provide exactly the love and support I need to get through this impossibly difficult time. We’ll be here for at least another week or so – if you need to contact me for any reason, call my cell phone at (540) 878-6638 or email me at julieseder@gmail.com. (I don’t know how to retrieve comments from the blog site.) The condo address is 200 MacFarland Dr., Apt 1103N, Delray Beach, FL 33483

A few people have asked about funeral arrangements. Jim asked that there be no formal funeral or memorial service. I’ll take his ashes home, and sometime this summer our family will gather to celebrate his life with a cookout by the river – that’s exactly what he would have wanted. Folks have also inquired about donations in his memory. If you’re so inclined, a donation to the Riverside Hospice organization near our home would be lovely tribute. Here’s the link: https://secure.riversideonline.com/n/foundation/make_a_donation.php

One other thing – I’ve also heard from people who want to contact Jim’s parents. Here’s their Williamsburg address:

Art and Marion Seder

3006 The Mall

Williamsburg, VA 23185

Thank you all for what you’ve meant to Jim and me. Jim had a good life and wasn’t afraid to move on. God, I’ll miss him.

With love and gratitude,

Julie

Holiday Update

	My sister Susan visited us for a couple of days this past week.  Though her stay was all too short, we certainly enjoyed having her here.  She was so nice to fly out from Colorado.
Sister Susan and me
My health is better than it has been in several months.  I have more energy and am even gaining a little weight. In fact, we’re looking forward to a Caribbean cruise with my parents in January and staying in Florida thru February.  In March we will go to San Jose, CA to see daughter Elizabeth, her husband Jayson, our grandson Ian and new baby ??	Jim and Julie – Ready for the holidays

Julie and I wish all of you Happy Holidays and a wonderful year ahead.

Thanks To All

My Thanksgiving blog post generated quite a response.  Many of you made comments on the blog or phone calls, and many more sent letters or e-mails.

Your thoughts were overwhelming and heartwarming.  Many of your messages brought tears to my eyes. Thanks to all of you -- your support means more to me than you can know.

Why I Am Thankful This Thanksgiving

Julie and me having fun with our friends, Jan and Mike Kessler

Last January I visited my oncologist. Things weren’t going very well at the time, and I asked him about how long I could be expected to live.

Now, I resent doctors who play God and pronounce death sentences as if they were law, but I asked him and he answered. He said that Christmas 2007 was very likely my last and that I couldn't expect to see the holidays in 2008.

Well, the holidays are here, and so am I. In fact, I feel much better than I have in months and have been getting stronger every week for the past six weeks or so.

All this and the arrival of Thanksgiving has made me think about what I am thankful for. Here is a partial list.

I am thankful for you. For all the friends and family who have been interested and kind enough to read this blog.

I am thankful for all the cards, letters, emails and phone calls I have received.

I am thankful to be able to drive the car.

I am thankful for the changing of the seasons.

I am thankful for the special kindness of people I hardly know.

I am thankful for my parents, who are alive, young and healthy at 88 years old.

Last night I looked out the window over our bed and saw thousands of stars. I am thankful for this beautiful universe and our place in it.

I am thankful to have some fantastic friends.

I am thankful to wake up each morning.

I am thankful for the love and support of my family.

I am even thankful to mow the lawn (at least most of the time).

I am thankful for Julie, who has has sacrificed much for me without complaint.

I am thankful that I have lived to know my grandson and expect to see my second grandchild in March.

I am thankful to still be alive and relatively healthy.

Strange as it may seem, I am even thankful for having cancer. Of course, I would rather have spent the nearly last two years in some other way, but cancer has taught me a great deal. I am now forced to live in the present moment. I have discovered how compassionate people can be. Cancer has taught me the true value of love.

So, I have much to be grateful for, and I consider myself an incredibly lucky person.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a year filled with love and gratitude.

Julie's Birthday

Sister Beth made a delicious carrot cake

Joe with us in the traditional table shot

Happy Birthday, Julie!

Surprise! Mike, Jan and us

We celebrated Julie's 59th birthday over the weekend of Oct. 18-19. My sister Beth and husband Joe were able to be with us for the weekend, and we had a surprise visit (8:30 AM - thus, the bathrobes) from our good friends, Jan and Mike Kessler. The following weekend Ashley and Dan joined us to continue the birthday extravaganza. I thought you would like to see the pictures.

A little housekeeping: the comments section of the blog has been changed. There seems to be some confusion on how to add comments to the blog, and I've been trying to make it easier. Now, if you click on "Comments" at the bottom of each post you will see a pop-up window where you can leave your comment. You also no longer need a Google account to post a comment. I hope this makes it easier for everyone.

October Update

Our family at the beach in Stone Harbor

Ian James and James Arthur

Our newest surfer

My Mom and Dad with their great grandson

I can’t believe it’s been nearly 3 months since my last post – another period of highs and lows. So I’ll bring you up to date.

Elizabeth, Jayson and Ian arrived on August 11 and brought with them a welcome surprise. Ian will have a little brother or sister around the end of February or early March! Elizabeth is a veteran this time around, and, despite some nausea during the first trimester, she feels great and sometimes has to remind herself she’s pregnant. We spent the first week of their trip in Virginia, squeezing in visits with my parents and my sister Beth and her husband, Joe. Then we were all (including Ashley and Dan) off to Stone Harbor, NJ, for the second week. The weather was perfect for the beach, and we were able to spend time with our good friends, Micky and Jeroen from Holland, and Julie’s lovely Uncle Beef and Aunt Joan. Ashley and Dan got some valuable hands-on time with Ian, who progressed from first staggering steps to running at a gallop during the two weeks they were here. He also learned that if he claps his hands and smiles, everyone in the room will follow suit and cheer loudly – over and over and over again. We had a wonderful time.

After Elizabeth and her family flew home on Aug 24 it was time to address medical issues. Earlier in the month, I’d had minor surgery to remove the feeding tube – I didn’t need it, and it was a relief to get rid of it. In addition, the persistent tachycardia episodes combined with the meds, which did little to prevent the tach but reduced my blood pressure significantly, had driven me to a cardiologist who specializes in electrophysiology. He scheduled a catheter ablation for Aug 25 in Richmond, immediately following our return from Stone Harbor. The procedure was completely successful, and I’m happily off the dreaded beta blocker.

Despite all that progress, I was feeling increasingly drained and exhausted. My blood pressure still took occasional dips and my red blood cell count was falling. But we really became alarmed when I developed jaundice in mid-September. My local internist ordered a CT scan and referred me to a gastroenterologist in Richmond. He looked at the scan and found a large, suspicious looking mass in my abdomen near the base of the liver. Within days I was back in the hospital for an ERCP (a deeper, more tricky version of an endoscopy) to find and correct whatever problem was causing the jaundice. The doctor explained that there’s a large lesion in my stomach that distended the stomach wall so far that impinged on the common bile duct (from the liver to the digestive tract) – hence the jaundice. He inserted a stent in the duct to open it up permanently, but he biopsied the stomach lesion and determined that it is malignant. He also saw evidence of cancer on the interior walls of the abdomen, so the cancer has finally metastasized.

After a night in the hospital, we came home to rest and regroup. This latest procedure really took a toll on my already depleted energy reserves – we’d planned for months to attend the biennial reunion of my dad’s WWII bomb group in DC this past weekend. Unfortunately, I was simply too exhausted and uncomfortable to make the trip, which was especially disappointing since my sister Susan was there from Colorado. The rest at home, though, was apparently beneficial – during the last week I’ve gained some strength back and have even been able to do a few light chores around the house. I also found this morning that I’ve gained ten pounds. It’s a strange disease.

We’re looking forward to a visit from Beth and Joe this coming weekend, and Ashley and Dan will be here the following weekend. Julie’s birthday is Oct 19, so the next couple of weeks will be a non-stop festival. Elizabeth, Jayson, and Ian plan to be here for Christmas, and I intend to be around for the birth of grandchild number two next winter.

Julie and Ashley continue to design and make jewelry and participated in an art and crafts festival in September in Colonial Beach, VA. Their work is available on line, and Julie devotes much of her free time to making custom pieces she hopes to sell in the local artists’gallery at The Tides Inn in Irvington, VA. She says it keeps her sane.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you have contacted me with your love and good wishes in the past few months. Notably, Tom Peebles and his wife, Christine, took time during their brief visit to the US from their posting in Sophia, Bulgaria, to drive down her and spend an afternoon with us. It was great to see them and to catch up. I’ve also had calls and emails from Ted Raphael, and a surprise call from Vic Dhooge, Gary Spade, Larry Link and Bob Hadley from my high school basketball team – what a thoughtful thing to do. Thanks to everyone who has sent an email, made a call, sent a card, kept me in their thoughts, or said a prayer for me. You keep me going.

Summertime

Hi, everyone. A few of you have contacted me, wondering why you haven't seen any blog updates since March. Despite rumors to the contrary, I'm still around and doing relatively well, though I had a pretty rough patch from March thru June. When I last wrote, we'd just returned from our fabulous cruise with my family. On March 16, Dad and I flew to CTCA in Zion, IL in hopes of resuming the brachy therapy that had been so successful in reducing the size of my esophageal tumor. Once they scoped me, though, they determined that there was too much dead tissue from the previous treatments to proceed at that time. They went ahead with a CT scan, which showed no signs of spread, and sent me home to recover for another 3 months. It sounded like fairly promising news.

Unfortunately, I continued to have difficulty swallowing and lost even more weight. This went on for a couple of months as I became increasingly fatigued and malnourished. Julie and I finally returned to Zion on June 2nd for a checkup and testing. The news was a mixed bag. Once again, the CT and PET scans showed no evidence of cancer outside the original tumor, which was very encouraging. However, the bad news was that the tumor had expanded to its original size, effectively closing off my esophagus and preventing me from swallowing. The radiologist told us the risk of death from resuming the radiation was much greater than the possibility of shrinking the tumor again, so that option was eliminated. A medical oncologist reviewed my case and said he didn't have any chemo options beyond what I'd already done. Finally, the gastroenterologist implanted a large stent in the middle of the tumor that keeps my esophagus open and allows me to eat. It's not a cure, but he feels that the tumor is growing fairly slowly, and this should enable me to function normally for some time. As a backup, he also surgically inserted a feeding tube in my stomach, but he doesn't think I'll need it in the forseeable future.

Now that I'm home again and able to swallow, I've gained back a bit of the weight I'd lost. My biggest frustration now is the constant exhaustion, which is normal for someone in my situation but certainly limits my activities. I'm also still plagued occasionally with a rapid heartrate and the low blood pressure that results from the meds for the tachycardia. Sometimes I think the meds are worse that the conditions they're meant to cure.

Our days are fairly quiet in this period they refer to as "living with cancer". We've missed out on a couple of key events like watching my nephew, Ethan, play in a lacrosse tournament in Baltimore and attending a reunion of Julie's family at the Jersey shore. With my diminished level of energy, it's exhausting to travel. Fortunately, my sister, Suzy, her husband (David) and the kids (Rachel and Ethan) carved out a couple of days for a great visit here before they headed home to Colorado. My sister Beth and husband Joe will come down next weekend for some R and R. We are looking forward to a visit from Elizabeth, Jayson and little Ian on August 11. We'll all drive up to Stone Harbor, NJ, for our annual week at the shore, where we'll be joined by Ashley and Dan. Our friends from Holland, Micky and Jeroen, will also be there for part of the time, and we hope to see Beef and Joan Meader, Julie's uncle and aunt, there too. We also hope to have my Mom and Dad here while Elizabeth and family visit, so we have a very full remainder of the summer.

Thank you so much for all your expressions of concern and support. Even if I haven't responded personally to you please know that it's from a lack of energy, not a shortage of gratitude. I remain awed and humbled by the love and goodwill that you have expressed.